I Will Not Diminish My Own Greatness: Part 2

  I recently had another epiphany/experience that reminded me why I should not diminish my own greatness. Here’s the story:
   I had been interested in a guy for awhile, for longer than I care to admit. It was a secret crush; I did not let my feeling be known. I had let my hopes take me a little further than I should have: I thought that we would eventually end up together, but that he just didn’t realize it yet. He was nice to me, an acquaintance but not a close friend. He never expressed any interest in me or tried to “talk” to me or anything, just some casual conversation and some joking around. I reasoned that he was just shy, he didn’t know how to express his feeling towards me, etc. You know, the usual excuses that girls make when they don’t want to see the truth. I suppose that’s another blog post for another time
  But then, the clincher. My friend recently told me that she found out he had been dating a girl that we knew for a couple of months. I was crushed. For a minute. But then clarity began to come to me in many ways. And once the crush had been well, crushed, I began to see how I had been diminishing my own greatness the whole time.
  I would censor what I would say around him so that he would like me (or so i thought). I would stop myself from liking or posting certain things on Facebook for fear of what he would think of me. I basically hid a big part of my personality because I thought it would get him to like me. Only after the news came in about his new girlfriend and my hopes in that area were crushed could I finally see the truth: I was diminishing my own greatness to try to fit the mold of what I thought he wanted. Then, after all of that effort, he ended up liking a girl who is nothing like me at all. So why was I diminishing myself? Me watering my personality down didn’t work according to plan.
  So I came to this conclusion: never again will I diminish myself to try to fit with a guy or to try to mold myself into what I think he wants. Even if I did that and a guy ended up falling for the fake, watered-down me, eventually my true self would come out and the relationship wouldn’t last anyway because I wouldn’t be who he thought I was. There is absolutely no point in trying to diminish myself for a guy. I deserve a guy who will love me for me and who I can be myself around. If I have to water myself down to be with a guy, then I know that he wouldn’t be able to handle the real me and I don’t need to be with him anyway. I’ve finally learned my lesson: be genuine and be yourself. One day, the right man will come along and love me just the way I am. And I will feel free to be me: the lovable, real, and interesting me that I already am.

Advertisements

I Will Not Diminish My Own Greatness

    Begin to own that woman that you look at in the mirror and understand that no one can diminish the greatness you harbor within except yourself. -Michelle McKinney Hammond

Becoming myself: this is a subject that seems to become more imperative the older I get ( and FYI in my mind I think I’m old, but I’m actually only 28). Being an old soul, I find many of life’s truths wash over me earlier than they do most folk. And this truth of becoming myself is one that keeps coming back to me again and again.

For most of my life, I have received subtle and not-so-subtle messages from the world around me to fit in. The world told me to look and act like everyone else if I want to be happy. Growing up I was teased, bullied, and called all kinds of names because I didn’t fit in. All of these messages led to me diminishing myself. I thought I wasn’t good enough for anybody. I became shy and withdrawn because I didn’t think anyone would want to talk to me. I avoided guys I was interested in because I didn’t think I was good enough for them and didn’t want to be rejected. You get the basic idea. The result of me diminishing myself was many miserable years of bitterness and unhappiness. For years I diminished myself because I believed something about myself that wasn’t true: I believed that I was unlovable.

It is only in the past couple of years or so that I have begun to challenge these old ideas I had of myself. I realized that all of these truths I thought were so self-evident were actually lies. Lies that I had believed that had kept me down. A big part of my growth was turning to God. He washed all of the dirt of those lies out of my eyes so that I could see clearly that I am loved. I am loved by Him and His Son. I am loved by friends and family. I am loved just because I am me. I am me for a reason; I’m not meant to fit in. Standing out, showing the world my true self is how I’m going to fulfill my purpose on this earth. What kind of impact can I make if I just squeeze myself into a pre-made peg? I have to carve out my own peg and make myself at home there if I am going to truly live.

So, I will no longer diminish my own greatness. The greatness I have inside is what makes me me. Making myself small serves no one. Being my true self is what the world needs and what God has called me to be. I still have more self to find…in no way do I think that I have already arrived. But I have taken the first steps down the road less traveled (a la Robert Frost), and that has made all the difference in my life.