I look around at all the people I know, and realize that in addition to the plethora of married people I know, there seems to be another stand-out characteristic that I cannot fail to notice: an epidemic of single women. An epidemic of single women who (and I have to lift a guilty hand on this one) wails about the fact that a corresponding number of single men seem nowhere to be found.

But it ain’t necessarily so. Looking at a census or a survey of any given region (you can Google any city you want to…I know I have), the numbers appear to suggest a pretty close 50/50 or 51/49 split of men to women or women to men in the population. So where are all the single men at?

What if the number of single men has to do more with our perspective and less with actual numbers? By perspective, I mean the whole lens with which many women in American society tend to view men and dating relationships. I feel like many women have talked themselves out of marriage and long-term relationships because of this idea of “the perfect man” that seems to permeate our culture. It’s never said overtly, but certainly the implication is that the man of our dreams must be perfect. He has to be at least 6 feet tall, good looking, chiseled body, has all of his hair, rich, a successful businessman (or lawyer, or doctor, or something else with equal money-making potential), smart and thoughtful, charming and charismatic, sweet and romantic, cares about cancer kids and puppies, and with no emotional baggage. And if any one of these criteria are not met, then many women write him off as “not good enough” and continue chasing after a fantasy man that does not exist. All the while wanting this man to “love me the way I am”, emotional scars, past baggage and all. *Eye-roll*. It’s time to get real!

No one is  perfect. All women, being women, are hyper-aware of their imperfections at all times. 24/7. We can never escape them. We want someone to love us, cherish us, and tell us that we are perfectly lovable just the way we are. Why don’t men deserve that as well? As much as they try to hide it, men have feelings, insecurities, and imperfections as well. They deserve to be loved for who they are and cherished as people. Despite all of our human imperfections, deep inside of each of us there is an inner light, a beautiful spirit that has a wonderful capacity to connect with others on a deep soul level. I think we should all take the planks out of our own eyes so that we can look and see who the men that come to us really are, past the outer, shallow things into the inner self. We should open our eyes and judge the man by the soul and character he has and how deep of a connection we feel with that inner soul, because that is what will make for a happy relationship in the long run. Money, looks, expensive dates, all of that external stuff is temporary and will fade with time. The external things do not equal love. But our inner selves are eternal, and a love that connects with the beloved from the inner self is one that can burn eternal. The relationship won’t be perfect, since we are in a fallen world, but it will continue to shine like a gem with a little daily polishing.

 

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